Fitness

I hate this post, but it's one I need to make, for myself more than anything else.

I am fat.

I'm not a little chunky.  I'm not a big boned (although I do carry a lot of muscle).  I am fat.

In the past, I have been heavier than I am right now, yes.  But even though I was heavier, I was fitter.  Right now, I am fat, and I am not fit.  At.  All.

I am a fat adult rider of a pony, who would appreciate having a little thin person ride her, and who is very grateful right now to have a break from having me bouncing around on her almost every day.  And I feel really bad about that.

This weekend as we completed flat work prior to jumping, and as I was working on that canter, and turning purple, all I could think was that I am not jumping fit.  Not even close.

I have plenty of excuses.  I was doing better last year and earlier this year, as a woman I work with and I were going to the gym we have at work after hours and getting at least a good 30 minute walk in three days a week.  And I was riding two or three days a week on top of that, so I was holding my own.

Receiving my 5 year clock at work March 2015.  Not too shabby.

Then Violet moved 2 hours away, so that cut it down to one or two rides a week.  Then I started with the foot issues, so that cut out the elliptical (literally days after I bought one, of course) and treadmill.  No biggie, about that time, Violet moved back and I was riding 5 to 6 days a week.  Then injury to the pony happened, followed by rain.  And then this happened.

left boot for 7 weeks, Dex injection in the right that didn't work and requires surgery

So that killed that.  Now, Violet's back where she can get her exercise and I am without.  Oh, and throw in there that I quit smoking.  And got engaged and had a man move in that totally changed all my food habits.  So I've gained about 10 pounds in the last two months and I am not at all happy about that.

Now, as I said before, I've been heavier.  I actually did a science fair project when I was in 5th grade on childhood obesity wherein I did my first diet.  It was successful, but started my lifelong fight.  I've done Weight Watchers 3 times, and almost gotten to goal once.  But goal weight for me according to all the charts is not attainable.  I carry too much muscle.  It would make me a size 2, and even my doctor agrees that isn't reasonable for me.  So we set my goal at 175.  I'm 5'3".  That would still put me at between a size 10 and 12.  It would still make me between 10 and 25 pounds heavier than my fiance, but I can't worry about that, since he doesn't seem to.

Here's a few pictures that show the more recent ups and downs.

First show with Violet.  Walk-trot.  February 2009 (she was not quite 4)

Me as groom at Marshall & Sterling finals in NY Sept 2009.  And yes, I learned how to properly pinwheel a tail braid

Me showing my trainer at the time's horse Wolf to my cousin's kids.  Apr 2010

The benefit show we put on to raise money after my trainer had a brain aneurysm (she died the next week). June 2010

Old barn get together during WW try #3 (I'd lost about 45 pounds)  May 2011

Violet and I doing WT crossrails May 2012.  This was the lowest weight I've been since I started riding as an adult.

When I decided to start riding as an adult, I was very honest.  I sent emails to all the Jacksonville barns I could find, explaining that I was extremely overweight, but wanted to start riding again.  There was exactly one person who responded to the 20+ emails I sent.  I think that first month, I lost 15 pounds, just because I was doing something besides sitting at a desk, living in hotels as an auditor.  I just wanted to do something that got me away from it all, and get back into a life sport.  I couldn't get through a 30 minute lesson without taking breaks every 5 minutes.  My trainer would hug the rail and tell people I was ok during my classes, I hadn't reached the right shade of purple yet.  After a year or so (2009), I could make it through an entire hour lesson.  By 2013, I could do a whole lesson with no stirrups.  Granted, that was mostly sitting the trot, but still.  Now I'm back to needing a break after a 15 minute flat warm-up.  And I don't think we jumped for more than 15 minutes.  I'm just disappointed in myself, and not quite sure what to do, since all the aerobic stuff involves the ball of your foot, which is out for me right now.

So that is the end of the rant from this fat rider.  I must find a way to lose weight.  I must find a way to become more fit, both for me and for Violet.  And I must get this damned foot fixed.